Styles of Love
In 1973, John Lee proposed a theory regarding styles of love and human intimacy. In the theory, he discussed six styles of love that he then named them as colors of love. He has used ancient Greek terms when naming the styles. The six styles of love are Eros, Ludus, Storge, Mania, Pragma and Agape. Later, he also wrote a book on the styles of love. This theory was expanded further by Clyde Hendrick and Susan Hendrick .
Eros is based on beauty and sexuality. Those relationships that are based on romance come under Eros. This style of love tends to focus on physical beauty. People who are involved in such relationship are very open and communicative with each other. They tend to be very affectionate and involved in each other .
This love style is more like those which are shown in Hollywood movies. It is based on strong physical and emotional attachment. It can be said that they have an amazing chemistry between them. One can also categorize ‘love at first sight’ relationships under the banner of Eros .
Ludos is based on entertainment and excitement. This style of love is used by those who do not take love seriously. They are game players and want to win the game. They play it for fun, therefore, these sorts of relationships are short term. Their focus is not to love. Their goal is to win as many partners as they can. They have the least commitment with their relationship. Love is just a means of fun and enjoyment for them .
Storge is characterized by peace and slowness. This is a peaceful style of love which is relatively slow and takes time. This style of love is characterized by compassion. Relationship in this style evolves through friendship and gradually turns into love. They are based on loyalty and commitment rather than passion and emotions . They are on looking for such relationship in which both the partners share common interests and tastes. Sex comes late in this relationship. It does not hold much importance even when it comes. Storge is a slow process of revealing and unfolding feelings .
Mania is based on elation and depression. Lovers in this style of relationship tend to be extremely possessive and jealous. They have extremely low self esteem and need to be loved by one another. This relationship can also be named as obsession .
This relationship is like a roller coaster style which brings ecstasy along with jealousy and turmoil . Mania lovers are known for having extreme highs and extreme lows. They love their partners intensely and often are in a state of fear of losing one another which does not let them enjoy their relationship. They feel that their self-esteem can be revived only by being loved instead of inner satisfaction. Manic lovers have the belief that if they are being loved then there is nothing else that matters .
Lovers of this category are practical and realistic. They have a vision for a long term relationship that would satisfy all their needs and wants. For them, social qualities are important such as family background. Pragma lovers are logical. They do not rely on feelings but on logic. They see everything in terms of its usage. Similarly, they would get involved in that relationship that would be useful for each other. They have realistic expectations from each other . They take love in a businesslike manner. Each of their decisions is based on rationality. They are always trying best to make the best deal .
Agape is a name of selflessness. In this relationship, the lover has no expectations for personal reward or gain. An agape lover is least bothered if his love would be reciprocated. The lovers are willing to sacrifice anything for their partners. Their love is egoless. This love is philosophical and religious kind of love. Examples of agape lovers are Jesus, Buddha and Gandhi, who not only preached to love selflessly, but also practiced themselves. Such love is never demanding .
The theory of John Lee that comprises of six styles of love has given us a classification of different levels of love. Each style is made up of different combinations of personality traits, attitudes and beliefs. The love styles illustrate the level and extent of love in each relationship. The Hendricks later developed a questionnaire measuring Lee’s love styles which is known as Love Attitudes Scale. They then concluded that men tend to be more ludic, whereas females tend to be more pragmatic and storgic. Teenagers are usually maniac lovers. Those considering themselves as religious tend to categorize them as pragmatic, storgic and agapic. The style of love that a person chooses depends on his nature. He would find comfort and solace in that relationship which is similar to his habits, personality and character .
Baker, M. (2013, Jan 8). Chart of Six Love Styles. Retrieved from http://www.usefulcharts.com/psychology/six-love-styles.html
Crooks, R., & Baur, K. (2012). Our Sexuality. Cengage Learning.
Jay, T. (2010). Defining Love. USA: Brazos Press.
King, V. (2009, October 14). Six Styles of Love. Retrieved from http://valarie-king.hubpages.com/hub/Understanding-Different-Types-of-Lovers