- Letter Revision
Dear Mr. Simon,
I would like to express my disappointment with the delay in the release of my paycheck.
I work in the sales department and can identify with some of the issues that might have led to the delay but I still believe it has taken longer than necessary for me to get my check. This delay has occasioned inconveniences on my family and I since I am now unable to pay bills and feed my family among other negative impacts.
I am therefore requesting you to release my check as soon as possible failure to which I will be forced to pursue other organizational and legal mechanisms. I am, however, confident that I will not have to take such drastic measures.
- Conciseness: Conciseness is the quality of a piece of writing utilizing the most effective words or those that convey meaning in as precise a manner as possible (Pfeiffer and Adkins, 2012).
- Removing Sexist Language
Dear Miss Fortin,
As you are aware it is the responsibility of every nurse to register his or her arrival at the beginning of their shift. This enables a doctor who is faced with an emergency to know the nurses available. Nurses who are unable to adhere to this requirement must notify their supervisors in time or be dismissed. For more information please refer to your contract. Your cooperation in this matter will ensure that the doctor concentrates on more serious issues.
4. Changing passive voice to active voice.
Every family should take a long summer vacation. To stay healthy, one should relax. Moreover, vacations bring families close together. Vacations also provide an opportunity to enjoy American culture. Trips to places like Colonial Williamsburg teach history and offer entertainment. No one should spend another boring summer using a computer. Reinvigorate your lives; hit the road.
Pfeiffer, W., & Adkins, K. (2012). Technical Communication Fundamentals. Upper Saddle
River, NJ: Prentice Hall.