The sample essay lacks a heading which is very important as it shows who or to whom the essay is written to. The title of this essay is not catchy as the title is what the author has written about. Although the essay has a thesis statement, it is not clearly written so I don’t like it. It is supposed to be detailed.
The introduction of this essay is not good as the thesis statement is not clearly written. The background information is well written as we know where this woman is from and in which periodic era. The content is average as the writer is communicating what happens to women in Iraq. The organization is poor because the writer did not plan first before writing the essay. The points are just listed down which should be avoided. The writer has not used the transitional words to link the topic and the sentences (Faigley 57).
The paragraphs are too long and they lack the topic sentence which states the main idea of the paragraph. The writer has not used transitions to relate paragraphs which are very important as this shows how the next sentence begins (Faigley 78). The expression is poor as the sentences are not structured properly. The tone is uneven and not appropriate. The writer has only used the quotation once which shows that the essay is not interesting at all.
The essay lacks correct citation which shows that there is plagiarism in the writers work. The conclusion is poor. The writer is supposed to summarise what he/she has been writing about. The essay lacks a kicker. The ending is not interesting at all. The mechanism is poor because there are grammatical errors in some of the sentences. Finally, the college-level-writing is poor because there are grammatical errors. Some sentences are too long and are not punctuated well. There is also poor choice of words.
Faigley, Lester, A Guide for College and Beyond, San Francisco, Longman, 2007.