Unfortunately many parents think that by talking with their children about sex they will steal the childhood so they let them explore all the secrets of their body, puberty and sex in their natural order. According to all the researches the children who had a sex talk with their parents in their childhood are supposed to have delayed sexual life, use contraceptives and have fewer partners than those who are exploring the mysterious world of our body and sex by themselves (Brown & Brown 1997). And no one knows what is better for the child except her parents. That is why our goal as the parents is to explain and prepare our children to all the difficulties they may get in their future sexual activities. But such sex talks are a thing you are not supposed to do very often or very rare. There should be a right time and a right place where you might share your experience and advice your child. All the provided facts, statements and example should be real, applicable in child`s life that will make them feel a little bit older and more confident, but still it is obligatory to avoid adult sex problems.
We should explain them the truth about such gentle topic since the early age. The actual talk should not be intimidating and hurting, it should be spread out for some period. You can`t just tell the child all the information about sex you know as it can cause the big sexual and psychological problems in future. The thing is parents` influence is very strong as they can modify the behaviour of the children, develop their ideas of sex and relationships between man and woman and prevent their children from making unnecessary stupid mistakes. So if the parents has a chance to set child`s attitude about sex and all related topics they should be very careful not to scare, hurt or assure in frivolous of sexual life.
In explaining the process of sex and all the sequences we should consider a lot of factors such as an age of a child, its physical and mental development and the sex of a child. If my five year old daughter asks me “Where do babies come from?” I definitely want my answer to be well thought and appropriate. The thing is that girls are more connected to mothers and boys to fathers so it will be easier to talk with them about such a delicate question (Mayle & Robins 1975). First of all we should teach the child how is all her or his body parts are called. Then I would explain the difference in the man and woman physiology by the words that boys and girls have some different parts of a body with different look and functions. I believe that such talk is less uncomfortable the smaller your daughter is but speaking of all that I would not go deep into details. In explaining where do babies come from I would just say that the child is coming out of woman`s body after 9 months of pregnancy. She has a uterus where the baby grows. You can easily frighten your daughter with the story about a baby delivered through her vagina. I would take precautions against her knowing all this stuff from the street but you should be very careful not to spill additional information she not supposed to know yet. After that it is obligatory to know whether you fulfil her desire of knowledge and whether everything is clear to hear. Such conversations help to develop strong and confident relationships between children and their parents as well as to monitor the stage of sexuality development of your child.
In addition there are also a plenty of books, films and cartoons created by children psychologists for such occasions. They will help you to explain such topics in the childish manner and form, with an appropriate language and appropriate information and details. But if you are referring to these additional sources it is necessary for you to make the reading or watching with your child as you have to explain and answers all the questions he or she will have. It will also help to establish the confident parent-child relationships in which your child will be able to share with you her thoughts, ideas and experience, ask for your advice.
Speaking of teenagers your 14 year old daughter may ask if she can get pregnant the first time she have sex. So hear our goal is establish sexual boundaries in her behaviour. I would explain her that she can get pregnant even when she has sex for the first time. 14 year is the age when you should start telling your daughter about sex in details, calling all the parts with their names. But unfortunately I am sure that with the rise of television and internet all 14 year old already know what does “blow job”, “vagina” and “penis” mean (Madaras & Davick 2000). It is important to ask whether she has some other which she is too shy or ashamed to ask. I would also explain her how hard it is to be a mom for such a young person when she is a child herself. It is important to persuade your daughter in waiting a few more years and waiting for someone special to lose her virginity. We should not forget to emphasize the significance of use of contraceptive in preventing unwilling pregnancy and various diseases (Hasler 2010). In this case some books and documentaries may be recommended but they should be read without parent’s participation as it can make your child very uncomfortable. In order to make this sex talk the most comfortable you should stay calm, try to share and perceive the feelings and ideas of that with your child, all presented information should we accurate as we are dealing with very fragile aspect of children`s life.
All the choices and decisions should be explains, it is nice to provide the examples of other people`s lives as it is better to study at other`s mistakes than your own. It is irresponsible to criticize your children in such talks and you should not says that sex is good or bad as it is a natural thing.
Any way we should be prepared to such talks to prevent our child from sexual frivolity and all the problems it may cause. It is a natural thing, so the avoidance of such topics and questions may cost us and our children a lot of troubles.
The most important thing is to mention the significance of love in your relationships and sex. The idea of having sex without love should be disgusting for your child if you want her to be a normal member of the society with all the moral values and principles. Explain that sex is not only the tool of pleasure, but a reflection of a great love. And you cannot have sex with a person without being responsible for her.
Brown, L., & Brown, M. (1997). What's the big secret?: Talking about sex with girls and boys. Boston: Little, Brown and Co.
Mayle, P., & Robins, A. (1975). Where did I come from?: The facts of life without any nonsense and with illustrations. Secaucus, N.J.: L. Stuart.
Madaras, L., & Davick, L. (2003). Ready, set, grow!: A "what's happening to my body?" book for younger girls. New York: Newmarket Press.
Hasler, N. (2010). Sex: A book for teens : An uncensored guide to your body, sex, and safety. San Francisco: Zest Books.