Things happen…Indeed, they do happen when you are not waiting for them. And the worst is that bad things happen to you when you are not waiting for them at all, when you are disarmed, they like stab you into your back with a knife, like a traitor…the next feeling is devastation, despair and darkness. These three ‘Ds’ overwhelm you like a big wave and it seems that the world has collapses.
Not so long ago I’ve had these very feelings – my world stopped functioning for me. Its engines broke down and the whole system of ‘worldbuiling’ collapsed. Everything happened that very Thursday: I met the day with amazing mood, as the sun was illuminating gloomy boring streets, making sleepy morning much brighter. I woke up, as often visited the most ‘popular rooms’ in our house, thinking that it would be nice to sell tickets to these rooms, or to make some kind of a ‘time limit’, as my sister is constantly testing our patience by sitting there for another hour, so I rushed thorough the kitchen, bulked in some biscuits, and headed for school. The last words I heard were the ones I hear each and every day from my mom: “when are you going to start eating properly..?!”, but, as usually, I just said nothing, smiling at her with a childish smile, the one, which makes her feel I am still her little baby.
I decided to enjoy the morning and walk a bit further to the bus stop. I love my neighborhood: I don’t know why, but it has a smell of granny’s biscuits, especially when the street is covered with the morning sun. I have been living here for my whole life, and I know every stone and every bush in here, so that when I pass some places, pictures, like short movies, appear in my mind. The same was this day: I passed an old tree, where my best friend and I were spending the whole time when we were around eight. We thought that we were birds, who were living on that very tree; we were signing, laughing, and just dreaming that one day we would fly far away from here to see other cities and countries. Suddenly, I was interrupted with a welcoming bark, which returned me from my childhood memories to the reality. That was Spot, my neighbor’s dog, a very old but friendly citizen of the street: they were as usually jogging in the morning, so I just welcomed these sportsmen and hurried to school.
Usually, before classes my friend and I had a couple of minutes to share the latest news, we were not able to talk over our endless telephone calls. That day I anticipated the meeting, as my friend was about to come from her trip. A week ago she left, what seemed to be rather strange to me, without saying a single word: she just sent me a very cold message, saying “don’t worry, I’m leaving, will be back in a week”. All my future messages remained ignored, and my calls heard only long beeps. That’s why the day was so special to me: I had the feelings of a five-year-old child, waiting for a Christmas present.
When I approached the school, I did not see her, I called, but the answer was the same. That seemed really strange to me, as we had never had secrets from each other. I made myself go to school. On the way to the classroom I gave some artificial smiles to my friends, as a feeling of bewilderment was overwhelming me. Suddenly, I heard a remote voice calling my name, which was breaking through my thoughts, becoming louder. At first, I even thought it was my friend, but I was wrong – it was my teacher.
The next moment I remember was sitting in his classroom full of tears, I heard my heart bumping, and it even seemed to me that someone was bumping in my head. I only remember some vague words of sorrow from my teacher, but they did not help. “It happens, people die”, he said “she had been sick for many years, you just did not know”… these were the last words I remember before my world collapsed.
My friend died the day before, she did not go on a trip, she went to the hospital, and she knew she would never come back.
That very day became the most influential day of my life, as I realized that losing a part of your soul can be very hard, but I coped with it, at least I try to…