Since I was a kid, it has been hard for me to fit in to social groups. Until today, I find it hard to find even a single person who connects with me, or understands me, except my psychiatrist. Although I said that I don’t socialize because people don’t usually understand me, my psychiatrist says that I have a schizotypal personality disorder, and it explains why I don’t usually fit in or socialize (Butcher, Hooley and Mineka, 336). Also, it explains my – like some people call it – weird behaviors. Since, I don’t usually socialize, I’m just here to talk about myself.
As I have said, I may be weird, but I find it difficult to socialize. It started when I realized that people don’t usually think the way I think. Usually, people just see what they are actually seeing, but, I believe there is some deep meaning to every instances (American Psychiatric Association, 655-656). After all, everything is connected. Also, people call me weird for believing I see or sense weird things. Like when I was young, I knew I heard someone calling my name, so I followed the voice, and ultimately led to an empty room. I never saw the person calling me. When I told someone what happened, they judged me. So I started to feel like I don’t fit in to any social groups. And probably, that ultimately led to me distancing myself whenever there is a need for social convention. And if ever I attend, I usually place myself on the corner. I told this to my psychiatrist, and he said that this is usually a symptom of schizotypal personality disorder. I don’t know which symptom came first, but later, I started to experience hallucinations and depression, both are symptoms of the disorder (Butcher, Hooley and Mineka, 337).
Another weird thing, and apparently, my psychiatrist says that this is also a symptom of schizotypal personality disorder, that differentiates me to other people is my absolute worry of how they think of me. My psychiatrist says that this is paranoia (American Psychiatric Association, 655-656).
I don’t recall exactly when I started to seek the help of a psychiatrist. But, I remember my mother urging and convincing me to see a psychiatrist. Since then, I started to talk to him, while he gives advices and support. He also gave me prescriptions, to help treat the disorder by eliminating the symptoms, such as depression, psychosis, and other psychotic symptoms (Herpetz, et al, 232).
Right now, I am taking medications, and I have scheduled sessions with my psychiatrist. To be specific, I am taking classical neuroleptics (haloperidol and thiothixene), since, as what I remember from what my psychiatrist said, antidepressants are not reliable in treating schizotypal symptoms (Herpetz et al, 232). And if I were to describe the sessions with my psychiatrist, the sessions were very warm and supportive. My psychiatrist convinces me to talk to other people, and congratulates me even for small achievements. Also, sometimes, we have a group therapy. My psychiatrist invites other patients so I can have someone to talk to, as a start of the “social skill training” (PsychCentral, np.).
American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth EArlington, VA: American Psychiatric Association, 2013. Print.
Butcher J., Hooley, J., and Mineka, S. Abnormal Psychology, 16th Edition. Pearson, 2013. Print.
Herpetz, Sabine et al. “World Federation of Societies of Biological Psychiatry (WFSBP) Guidelines for Biological Treatment of Personality Disorders.” The World Journal of Biological Psychiatry 8.4 (2007): 212-244. Print.
PsychCentral. “Schizotypal Personality Disorder Treatment.” Psych Central, n.d. Web. 24 November 2014.