Anger is a part of our daily life. We get angered by simple things that we come across in our daily activities. The difference comes in with the way we handle this anger. This paper will focus on the causes of anger in people’s lives and the reasons why people get angry. It will discuss the basic steps that bring about anger and how we should control it. The basic techniques of controlling anger will also be brought out to help people in managing their anger.
Many people have tried to define anger in one way or another but the appropriate definition is that, it is an unpleasant emotion ranging in intensity from irritation or annoyance to rage or fury. At one point in our lives we have encountered and anger moment since every day we experience things that make us angry. The reason behind this is that there are common causes that make us angry. These include feelings of hurt, frustration, harassment or even injustice. The ways in which people experience anger varies due to reasons. There are different ways that make people angry where some may feel furious due to one reason that only mildly irritates someone else. Another definition of anger is that it is a deluded mind that focuses on an animate or inanimate object. It makes the object feel unattractive and exaggerates it bad qualities and wishes to harm it. For instance, when we are angry with our friends or partners, we only see them as unattractive and unpleasant (Burt 2013). This brings about the exaggerated aspect of the mind that only views the bad qualities and the aspects that irritate us and ignores all their good qualities. This builds up a mental image that only captures the faulty part and then makes us to harm them in some way.
Anger is a natural occurrence in humans and we all feel angry due to one reason or another. However, there are various signs that can help identify when someone is angry. These signs vary from each person as we all react differently. One of the signs is the explosive outbursts that cannot be controlled. This happens mostly to women where they get furious and since they can fight, they end up bursting out with the other people. The other sign includes domestic violence and controlling behavior (Theravive, 2013). This is where people get furious due to reasons well known to them and they take it out on the people close to them especially partners or children. It is a very dangerous phase of anger as it brings about physical and psychological effects. Similarly, another sign that can tell when someone is angry is when they experience rage when driving or at work. Most people experience this form of anger and end up causing accidents on the roads or even at work (Counselling Directory, 2013)..
Depression and anxiety are other signs of anger that comes from within the person or rather introverted. Alcohol or drug dependence also brings about anger problems especially when the people using them to run out of supply or fail to access the substance. They may get furious and very destructive. This form of anger may also affect them after using these substances as they will bring out their emotions when they are not in a position to overcome these emotions. Many cases have been reported about people getting out of control and reacting furiously under the influence of drugs or alcohol. This largely affects family members who are on the receiving end of the anger. Families even break up and people have even been hospitalized as a result of anger (MindlTools, 2013).
The reasons why people get angry and are unable to control it are normally family related issues or cultural patterns. Some are brought about by stress, pain, hormonal imbalances or tiredness. These reasons can cause many dangers to our loved ones especially if the anger is uncontrolled. Uncontrolled anger leads to negative consequences in our day to day activities. It can damage relationships with family members, colleagues or our bosses. Anger can lead to loss of trust and respect for others or even ourselves. This happens in instances where people react instantly or furiously to situations that we perceived not to pose a threat. For instance, during a football match fans cheer and say all sorts of things to cheer their team (Counselling Directory, 2013). However, in such a situation fans from opposing sides may feel irritated by the things that are being said about the teams they support. This may lead to a huge fight among the fans if they choose to react to such situations that do not even threaten them. Anger brings about the inability to make good decisions and find constructive solutions to problems. This can largely affect the performance of employees in a company (Theravive, 2013).
There a number of ways in which people can learn to manage anger by themselves or through the help of their friends and family. This involves anger management techniques such as counseling in anger management programs. These involve a one- to-one counseling session with a therapist or psychologist or group sessions. The anger management technique involves several strategies that can be used to control anger. The first strategy involves the aspect of acknowledging that one has a problem. This strategy requires people to be honest with themselves and acknowledge that they have a problem. This will help in managing the anger and getting to the root cause of the problem (MindlTools, 2013). It will also help the people involved accept their faults. The second strategy is keeping a hostility log. This requires people to identify the cause of their anger. It also helps keep in check the frequency of your anger, a hostility log will help in strategizing on ways to the anger effectively.
In addition to this, it is important to use a support network that involves informing the people in your life about the changes you intend to make. This way they can assist them by motivating them and preventing them from going back to their old behaviors. It would also require that they set some time aside to spend with their loved ones in order to invest in these relationships. This alleviates stress and helps you control your anger. The other strategy involves interrupting the cycle of anger in a way that when you start feeling angry try simple steps that will take your mind off the things that make you angry. You can try counting to 20 before responding or take a deep breath (Theravive, 2013). Remain calm and find some quiet place where you can calm down. Another technique would be yelling stop in your mind or even listening to a song that you like. These steps will interrupt the cycle of anger.
Similarly, you can empathize to control anger. This is where you place yourself in the other person’s situation and view the issue from their perspective. This will help you realize where the problem was/ is and help you control your anger. Another technique that can be used is finding the sense of humor in your anger. This step requires people to laugh at themselves and not take everything seriously (MindlTools, 2013). It helps calm the emotions and prevents irrational reaction to the situation. You can also try to relax and not allow little things to offend or bother you. The basic steps of relaxing are getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet or getting regular exercise from time to time. This helps relax the nerves and the brain as well. Drinking water regularly can also help the situation as it prevents dehydration in the body (Counselling Directory, 2013).
Trust is also a vital part of managing anger. People should build trust with their friends and colleagues in order to prevent the chances of getting angry. Listening effectively will also prevent anger from occurring. Miscommunication contributes to frustrating situations that can lead to anger. People should learn to listen carefully when others are speaking and focus on what they are saying. Another technique that may prevent anger is learning to live each day as if it was your last. This way you will learn to enjoy each moment and spend every minute of your life happily. This should be accompanied by forgiving and forgetting which helps in making long-term changes when people forgive the people who have angered them. Assertiveness also leads to focus on balance. It also brings about honesty and respect among friends (Theravive, 2013).
Theravive (2013). Anger Management Magazine AR.. Anger Counseling, Anger Therapist in Magazine AR. Retrieved from http://www.theravive.com/therapy/anger-management magazine-ar
MindlTools. (2013).Anger Management. Retrieved from http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTCS_97.htm
Counselling Directory. (2013). Anger Management Counselling. Retrieved from http://www.counselling- directory.org.uk/anger.html
Burt, Isaac; Patel, Samir H.; Butler, S. K.; Gonzalez, Tiphanie. (2013). Integrating Leadership Skills into Anger Management Groups to Reduce Aggressive Behaviors: The LIT Model. Journal of Mental Health Counseling., 35(2), 124-141.